Dear wife

Your cooking is really nice!!! Honest!

Technorati Tags: cooking, head, scales, dead, photoshop

The Holy Grail

I'm good me!

Over at my photoblog - Photao - I have managed to get the new template half finished and implement what Photoblog type users of Blogger have been searching for since the dawn of Photoblogs. A template that has a large single photo displayed - but also has thumbnails of previous images to be used as navigation to previous images. This is easy to do if you want to edit your template every time and manually insert the image source code - but as Blogger sometimes has horrendous publishing issues - this is not acceptible. To accomplish this I began by changing the text in the title field of each posting to the same http:// address as the image source.

 

I then set blogger to only show one posting at a time.

Within my template code, i removed the list of recent items completely (and the entire sidebar) as this only shows as many postings as you have told blogger to display on the screen (ie One). To create the section that shows the thumbnail images, I headed over to Feeddigest and set up an RSS feed of the Photao blog for free. Make sure you have the RSS feed turned on though! I then modified the feeds HTML template within FeedDigest to include an IMG SRC tag around the title field text - which then creates a link to the image itself rather than just displaying the text:

Feeddigest then allows you to copy some code into your blog which displays the feed. In this case it is just a feed of the last 15 postings made into images from the same blog! The free version of FeedDigest is restricted to the last 15 items. Here is the code I am using at the moment to get the feed into the footer area of the Photao blog:

 

This means that when I post a new image, I can make a standard posting through the Blogger interface, add in the image and text (if required) and as long as I put the URL of the image into the title field, the RSS feed will be updated correctly and (most importantly) automatically. And as I store all my images at the excellent Flickr, I can use the URL of the smaller size versions of the image which are created for you in the title field which makes loading times quicker. The only problem (a very minor one) is that you will also have to remove the posts title field from your Blogger template. So if you want to give your images smart and fancy names, you will have to enter it as standard text above or below the image.

The template is far from finished though - so watch out for more whizz-bang design changes soon! EDIT: Just found out that I got mentioned over on the FeedDigest website too!

Technorati Tags: photoblog, feeddigest, blogger, RSS, template, photao

Monsters what?

Mrs Taoski and I watched Monsters Ball at the weekend. However, I may have missed some vital plot bits (as I was ironing at the time) - but what the hell was it all about? Here's a few plot points for the mentally impaired:

• White policeman executes man on death row.
• White policemans son kills himself.
• Convicts fat son gets killed in a hit and run.
• Three deaths before 1 hour is up.
• White policeman gets jiggy with convicts wife.
• Convicts wife buys White policeman a white cowboy hat.
• White policeman ditches frail racist father at a home to die.
• Convicts wife moves in with White Policeman.
• Convicts wife finds out White Policeman fried her hubbys brain.
• They eat Chocolate Ice Cream.
• The end.

And she won an oscar for that? At least she had the decency to show her breasticles! Great direction, great photography, good atmosphere......Crap film.

Moral choice

If a gay jumped on your back, would you toss him off?

To Do List

• Design my mates website for him over at flights-physiques.co.uk.
• Do some artwork - quite fancy doing a collage actually.
• Do the ironing.
• Play Burnout Revenge on my XBOX after kicking the wife off the TV.
• Do some homework sheets for the kids on the PC.
• Design how I want my garden to be.
• Do the paperwork / filing etc.

My blue triangle going to waste

My wife recently started drawing again (to fill the void of both kids being at school). She is still pretty good considering that she has not picked up a pencil for nearly 20 years. My parents who have both been artists and art teachers in their time (and who still paint) have been giving her lots of encouragement - not that she needs it. Last night I got out my portfolio containing my artwork from my GCSE, A Level and Foundation Year art courses i did at school/college so that they could all see what level I was at. Some of the work I do remember, alot I do not (we'll blame Reefer Madness on that one). What I was quite pleasantly suprised to find is that some of it is actually quite good. My art tutor at college (deceased) was a cantankerous surly man who made it perfectly clear that his real ambition in teaching was to get to the pub at lunchtime. He was quite rude to me about my work and I remember him making several of the female students cry over their work being too "twee". I quite liked his brash manner though and we did get on ok - until he called me a "Cunt" and said that I would be "laughed out the door" of Manchester University as I did'nt have lots of oil paintings to show them at my interview. That was back in 1990. 15 years later and i'm into computers. I hardly even write with a pen any longer - let alone draw! I now feel under pressure to perform! Whilst I was not brilliant at life drawings or oil painting I did have a flair for abstract designs and compositions. I was much happier listening to some Hawkwind and doing odd surface textures and patterns than doing a full blown portrait of a naked man, out to get some extra cash in the evenings. Maybe I will try to do something again... I do feel scared though. Scared that it will all be crap and that I will have lost the ability completely. I will take some photos or scans of some of my work in the next few weeks and will upload them when I get time. My dad thinks some of them are brilliant - but he would say that, would'nt he. Note: Picture is by R B Kitaj who's narrative painting style I emulated during my college years.

ITV Avenue Of the Stars

Oh.... B3TA, we salute you

5 Things i did this weekend

1. Walked in 2 separate woods on 2 separate days. I do like my local countryside. Tall trees, mud and making my 6 year old believe that there were Goblins in the bushes following us and that chesnuts growing on the trees were Hedgehog Eggs. 2. Avoided a horse who had thrown its rider. Only to be attacked by her dogs and ignored by her after I ran back to check she was ok 3. Ate too much Shepards Pie. MMmmmm... my favorite. Totally veggie too - but found that it had mushrooms in though! :puke: 4. Listened to "Zen for Beginners" on my iPod. "To have a beginners mind is to have an empty mind...." WTF? "The mind and the body are not two or one, or two together. They are two AND one..." WTF? "Concentrate on your breathing... become the swinging door..." WTF? 5. Got a cold :sniff: Kids back at school = three of us have now got a cold. Great!

Like father...

Dementors

"The book is better than the film"

Not being a *proper* book reader, I cannot really uphold this statement. The last time I read a *real* book was during the first year of a sleepy slumber, commuting to Birmigham. The Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings in case you were wondering. As the years progressed I started to listen to audiobooks on the train and did all the Harry Potter books. I have also recently read the new Harry Potter book in PDF format which I got from.. er.. somewhere. I recently taped Harry Potter and the Prisoner Of Azkaban and watched it last night with (the current) Mrs Taoski. I was obviously expecting too much - as it was total shite. The acting was bad and the characters were totally wooden. It really was nothing like the book. As per usual with these types of films, they were referring to things that you would have only known if you had read the books. They did this in LOtR too - but made up for the omissions with the Extended Editions. I had to end up explaining bits of the plot as Mrs Taoski was unaware that the black dog really was Sirius Black. Crap, crap, crap, crap CRAP! Lets hope the next film is better.

Another little Meme for you all

Just decided to post this little Mini-Meme after completing one I was tagged with (eventually) over at Newlinks. Theirs was a variation on the 7 things Meme below from Nick. 5 Musics in your iPod: (the last 5 tracks on shuffle mode) 1. Let It Crawl - Societys Bag (Funk Drops 2) 2. Fade Away - Oasis (The Masterplan) 3. Radharc - Dead Can Dance (Aion) 4. Sonofanuthamutha - The Herbaliser (Take London) 5. Eight Line Poem - David Bowie (Hunky Dory) Don't worry if you have'nt got an iPod, you can still play along! Go to the nearest cupboard you can fit your head in and then hide your face in shame for not having one of the nicest little devices on the planet! "Who's a naughty boy..... tut tut tut...". I feel obliged to cast my Meme-rod at Bigfootcookie, Lewis Moten, WBB, driverchris and Beefheart (MIA). Sorry. EDIT: Dr Nickles can play too

The Ultimate Sandwich

Following on with WhiteBoyBobs theme of food, here is my ultimate sandwich:

• Thick sliced crusty white bread (fresh)
• Peanut butter (Crunchy)
• Raisins
• A light dribble of honey
• Cheese and Onion Crisps (chips for the yanks)

And a big mug of sugary English Breakfast tea to wash it all down with. You can't beat a Subway, but this comes close.

Septets Of Stuffs

Phew! Glad Nick tagged me with this meme as I could'nt really think of anything to blog about at the moment. I have just taken a little (well earned) break from work (with iPod assistance) to bring you my Septets of Stuffs: 7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die: 1. Write a childrens story (future colaborative blog - watch this space) 2. Travel a bit more 3. Not work so hard 4. Stop using a computer all day every day! 5. Spend more time doing things I want to do 6. Paint/draw/chill 7. Consumate the marriage to my second wife... 7 Things I Can Do: 1. Play the guitar.. Pink Floyd/Oasis anyone? 2. Play the Digeridoo.. anyone? 3. Juggle 4. Fix computers (and then some) 5. Survive on 4 hours sleep a night 6. Watch endless UK soaps and not get addicted 7. Fear death 7 Things I Can't Do: 1. Fix cars 2. Cut in (painting walls) 3. Those little sliding puzzle things.. 4. Last longer than 30 seconds 5. Understand why people fancy Kiera Knightly! 6. Paperwork 7. Care less about anything 7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex: 1. Bottoms 2. Asses 3. Behinds 4. Women in shirts n ties..? 5. Arses 6. Butts 7. Baby got back! 7 Things That I Say Most Often: 1. Have you seen that new iPod? 2. It's on the torrents...for free! 3. Chanks (a mumbled mix of cheers and thanks) 4. Love you 5. Smell Ya Laterz 6. How comes i never got invited to the pub - again? 7. w00t! 7 Celebrity Crushes: 1. I refuse to do Celebs 2. cos' they are all just 3. odd looking, skinny, stupid 4. airbrushed fakes who are so up 5. their own arses they all 6. look like their own shit anyway! 7. Jude Law

The wooden horse of crud

I had the misfortune to watch Troy last night on Sky Movies. It was one of those movies where I couldn't wait for it to end. After around 30 minutes I was already thinking "Jesus! still two hours to go!..... where's the bleach". Brad "Shaven Simian" Pitt rippled muscle and hammed it up in his "dumb but deep" role as Achillies who did nothing but fight and sleep with women. I really cannot see what women see in Brad. Not that I am "gods gift" or anything.... but that man is ugly and stupid! The only thing more wooden than Pitts acting was the fabled "Horse Of Troy" which was impressively built from parts of sea faring vessels, broken down and re-assembled in a perfect horse shape. Quite how unskilled soldiers managed to assemble such an impresive device miles from home on a beach though, we will never know. The Wooden Rabbit from Monty Python was much better! Simpering oily fop, Orlando Bloom completed the poor cast with his gibbering wimps impression of a young Prince who stole the wife of his adversary only to bring upon himself an army of a thousand ships. What she saw in a wet, fish-like person like him we shall only guess. Lets hope they make a film of The Silamarillion soon... Taoski rating: Toss

Gone to the dogs

Since my son's sixth birthday earlier this year he has decided that he is no longer a fussy eater. Years of coaxing, tears (from us all) and shouting have gone and now he is happy to eat things like Pizza, pasta, mashed potato and most importantly fruit and vegetables, which at one time would have made him gag at the thought. My wife always insisted that this was passed to him genetically, as I am - i confess - a fussy eater. Brought up as a vegetarian, I was never exposed to any meats other than the "Three B's": Bacon, Burgers and Bangers. At home I seemed to exist solely on Baked Beans on toast or other odd combinations of salad, cheese and dried fruit all mashed together in Pitta bread (which I still enjoy - as does my six year old!). We had our main food groups sorted. We were a happy, well nourished and content, wholemeal bread family. However, apart from other neurosies too many to mention here, this lead me to develop my theory about the food I had never tried. It goes something like this:

"I have never eaten dog shit... but I know I would'nt like it!"

It makes perfect sense to me. I have never eaten Chicken or Lamb but I know I would not like it if i did. Not just because we used to keep Chickens in the back garden when I was young or anything like that - I just know I would'nt like the taste! I am better than I used to be. My wife also insists that when we met and I was living on my own I was fuelled on Peanut Butter sandwiches. This is not true, as I was mostly fuelled on overtime pay, sexual urges, cheap beer and cigarettes. I suppose the moral of this posting is this: If you do have a child who is a fussy eater, unless you want to bind them to a chair and force food down them there is'nt a great deal you can do. Just be calm, patient, understanding and it'll all come good in the end. They ain't gonna let themselves starve. Then again, there was that story about the child who just ate Rice Krispies four times a day for seven years - and lived! What were his parents thinking?

The littlest...

Todays meaningless fact is..... A Bum is a homeless person who does not work and does not travel. A Tramp is a homeless person who does not work but does travel. A Hobo is a homeless person who does work and does travel. Just thought i would clear that one up for you all.

iPod Nano

Those tefal heads over at Apple have done it again! Delivering us two new products on the same day! The new iPod Nano is the replacement for the Ipod Mini and comes in the usual flavours of 2 and 4gb. With a color screen and physical dimensions that resemble some sort of a scifi nano chip thing it looks amazing! They also announced a new iTunes mobile phone in association with Motorola. It can only hold 100 songs at a time (1GB) but I expect this is too little too late for them in the mobile market. What amazes me most is that there have been no internet leaks about the iPod Nano at all when there are usually plenty of sites crawling up Apples butt to get the latest information! Me Want one! And i bet BigFootCookie does too! EDIT: iTunes version 5 is out too! Must do a clean up on my music folders before i download it! EDIT2: Looks like every fecker is getting iTunes5... i'm on a 2 meg line and am getting 11kb a sec! What the freaks that all about?

TLA is not a TLA

I work in iT and must therefore suffer the slings and arrows of the continual use of Acronyms such as MCP, TCP, UDP etc etc... However, a common mistake regarding use of such language is that the monicker applied to these annoying terms, "TLA" is in fact not an Acronym for "Three Letter Acronym". It is in fact an Initialism. An Acronym is a word formed from the initial letters of a name and must be pronouncable as a word. An example of this would be FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) and another widely used in my line of work - PEBSAD (Problem Exists Between Seat And Desk). Others like RTFM (Read The Fucking Manual) or STFO (Switch The Fucker Off) are correctly known as Initialisms, which are abbreivations consisting of the initials of a name or phrase.

Kazaa, you loser!

After the death of Napster back in the days of leaving your dialup modem on all night to get a whole album, it fell to a company called Sharman Networks to release their program called Kazaa before P2P file sharing really kicked back off. Pedants will know there were other variants of this application before Kazaa became mainstream (Morpheus etc) but Kazaa was the one people jumped on to fill the gap that Napster left behind. Today in Australia a "landmark case ruling" was served against Sharman Networks saying that their software was facilitating the use and distribution of illegal and copyrighted information on the internet. They have two months to ammend their software to not allow copyrighted information to be transmitted or face further heavy legal fines. Potentially this means that the ruling will be brought to other countries and used as precendent to ensure that the Kazaa network is either shut down or as I expect, will be turned to some Pay to P2P type service. I bet Apple and iTunes are shitting themselves! Besides the fact that a whole host of P2P networks and applications come and go in a matter of months I am not sure that the MPAA and RIAA are concentrating their efforts in the right places. Serving a court action against an application provider that takes up less than 10% of the P2P network traffic in Australia does seem to be a little misguided - but for the court to also allow them to "change their business model" also seems a little odd too. I suggest that they file a lawsuit against Microsoft who allow you to choose if you want to rip CDs using their "Windows Media Player" software either using or not using DRM encryption. Only the foolish numpty PC users would check this option! Surely this also facilitates the swapping of copyrighted information. Or sue the maker of the first mass-market "tape to tape" stereo system - that makes more sense! Maybe the inventor of ADSL should also be banged to rights as he/she also allows the copyrighted information to be sent and received quicker. As the sticker on the back of my iPod said when i opened the box: "Don't steal music". "Duh! What the fuck did I buy one for then?"

Fat Tounged Cartoon Monkies

I know that Damon Albarn is widely viewed as Jamie Oliver of the pop world but I quite like the new Gorillaz album. The new single, Dare, featuring Mr Potatohead (Potatobody?) Shaun Ryder is very good and the music video is also cool. Even my Steps loving Son likes it too. It also gives comic artist Jamie Hewlett something to do after 2000AD and Tank Girl died a death. Although not all the Gorillaz tracks are good I have repspect for Mr Albarn for not succumbimg to "sticking with the old formula" and churning out more Blur tracks that have clearly lost their 90s feel. Not at all like Oasis do.....