Hats, Twats and Throatyaches

Christmas greetings to all. But not to the retarded customers at the local supermarket who were all wheeled and bussed in and had special "day out visits from the institution" just to piss me off and get in my way as I tried to gather some basic supplies yesterday. I am normally quite deft at avoiding other "obstacles" when I am crusing the aisles but they just wanted to die! 10 points for a crusty, 15 for demented, dirty slob parented children and 30 bonus points for bashing the shins of the employee who decided to drag out a cage of stock right in front of me! He deserved it. I'm sure it was'nt all that bad. It may have had something to do with the fact that I have been off work all week with another throat infection. In my last post about... the last infection... I used a photo of someones tonsils I found off the net - but those ones above...are really mine! Come to papa! I have also spent the time I was not hallucanating from the effects of a 4-a-day dose of 250mg of Penacillin, making cardboard christmas hats for when we go and spend a few nights at the in-laws over the xmas weekend. Apparently it is a family tradition they have (strangely left out of the ten christmas's I have spent with them) to wear ellaborate hats at the christmas dinner table. We (i) appear to have ended up making 11 hats for the people in attendance this year and I present the current state of play, modelled by some annoyed children (click em' to Big Em' Up in Flickr): In order from left to right: 1. Sister In Laws Hat. She has recently got herself a Moto RAZR V2 phone and is generally one of those people whose phone and mouth never stops, so i modelled one for her! My wife and I did the eyes and mouth together. 2. Ethan's Hat (my youngest). He is mad on trains and Thomas The Tank Engine so I modelled him Thomas running on the tracks across his head. Thats him too BTW. 3. Father In Laws Hat. He owns his own video production company and is also the editor/cameraman. I tried to make this look like a camera. There is a fish jumping on the other side as his area of expertise is in filming and making the best and most popular fishing videos in the UK (and world!!). That hot model is me BTW. 4. Corin's Hat (my eldest). This is finished apart from the spray paint, but is supposed to be Darth Vader. Possibly the most difficult hat to make so far. And when he came down in the morning and saw it, he complained that he wanted a Father Christmas hat instead. Thanks mate... love you too... 5. My Wife's Hat. She is renown for stealing all the gravy at the dinner table. This started off as a hat for Corin but began to look too much like a weird blow-up-doll - so we changed it to my wifes instead. 6. Lily's Hat (my niece). Supposed to be a sort of Cleopatra type hat. What you can't see is the glittery hair at the back but the snake was all modelled by me out of cardboard! 7. Joe's Hat (my nephew) This is supposed to be a "chiselled jawed pretty boy" hat as he is an image conscious teenager. It reminds me of a gladiators mask or something though. 8. Mother In Laws Hat. Obsessed with cleaning and cleanliness, this hat features her rubber gloves and cleaning materials. She made it actually - but we finished it off for her. 9. Luke's Hat (my nephew). He is currently at Bath University studying "commerical music" so we thought a hat with Symbals, a bass drum (he is a Grade 8 level drummer) a mic, and a guitar amp would be appropriate. 10. My Hat. What else? An iPod hat! It sits on my head in it's own "dock" and features real (cast off) headphones glued in. Its yet to be sprayed but will end up gold. I will also stick on an iPod screen too so it looks authentic (and even more geeky). I did toy with the idea of being able to remove it from the dock too and carry it around... but that was just silly! Just one more to go... and I think I might have to make a harmonica! Fecking hell! Don't think I will be doing this again next year! Merry Xmas to all. I'm off to bed to watch the drugs do their work on the 70s light show cinema scape that is the inside of my eyelids! Wahoo!