Thought for the day

How come... when a pregnant woman gets cravings - they never crave the taste of sperm?

Bread and butter in the gutter

On Saturday it will be my 34th birthday! The only problem is when the wife / kids / parents / parents-in-law / friends / neighbours / imates ask me what i want for my birthday present my answer is always "nothing". This happens every year (at xmas too) and annoys the hell out of my Wife and Parents especially. I usually manage to get hold of any gadgets that i want and DVDs and Music are pretty much free these days too. Other than that - i want for pretty much nothing. Its all part of my Zen / Bhuddist / Low-fi mystique... The only things i can currently think of are as follows: 1. A bike computer - so i can see how fast i am not going. 2. A "skin" for my nice new iPod - already got scrapes on the screen. 3. An extending charge/sync cable for the iPod - so i don't have to carry to much. 4. A Mac Mini - too much cash though. 5. The new Harry Potter book - so i can actually *read* something before my eyes scab over (or does this not count). 6. A bike helmet - although i don't really want one cos they look gay. So - one present from the wife, one from the kids, one from the parents and one from the parents in law. That should just about cover it is suppose. No-ones gonna buy me the Mac Mini though. *sob* What else do you get the man who has everything - and can download what he does'nt have? Socks..... thats what. Ps... Thanks to mouse for the pic too by the way!

Pearl Handled Revolver

A totally biased link to a band my nephew Luke and sister in laws boyfriend, Lee, are part of: Pearl Handed Revolver. You can post comments here if you don't want to sign up for a Myspace account. They sound pretty good to me!

Phrase of the day

"tefal head" I have said it three times to three different people today - and its only just lunchtime! Too much Stella Lager make brain go num....

iPod, uPod, We all iPod

Today i have been mostly listening to: Why is it that i prefer to listen to "old" tracks than new ones?

Dead-enders

After catching a few minutes of Coronation Street by proxy last night i noticed that the soap producers have wheeled out Craig Charles, another cheeky chappie comedian/actor to "spice up" the show and boost the ratings. Since Eastenders gave us Shane Richie in the guise of Alfie Moon the other soaps have been playing the comedian catch up. Corrie has only so far managed to bring on Bradley Walsh as their comedy "wild card" but at least Eastenders has the decency to make Shane Ritchie into a simpering wet-gel wearing twit - and not be too serious about the whole thing. Maybe they realised that it was all getting too depressing and tried to stop their viewers rushing to drink bleach as soon as they heard the opening bars of the theme tune. About time. I expect Emmerdale to roll out Keith Harris and Orville any time soon...

Moist Haunted

Having spent another 3 evenings half watching Most Haunted Live i have yet again been left with the feeling that it is all a bit of a con. For those who are not aware of this program i shall give a brief synopsis. Psychic medium Derek Acorah accompanies presenter Evette Fielding and paranormal investigators to a number of locations in search of ghosts. The program is usually pre-recorded but they also do a "live" version usually over 2/3 nights on times like Halloween or the Summer Solstice. We started watching this a while ago now and found it quite interesting seeing the various phenomona occuring - knockings, noises, seances, ouiija boards, light annomalies (orbs) and possessions too! It is all wearing a little thin now. We like listening to the history of the places the investigate and some of the things they have seen could not be easily explained - but 99% of them can. The best show was the Live Halloween special last year at Pendle Hill when they were persued from location to location by a collection of witches who were appearing to wreak havoc with the members of the film crew and presenters. Last night they were investigating an old disued mine at Wakefield and whilst in one of the mine shafts heard a few ghostly snorts and had a few stones thrown at them supposedly by the ghosts of 8 children who had died there in an accident. I suppose what you forget as a viewer is that you might be watching the presenters, the psychic medium and the paranormal scientist sceptic walking round but there are also other 3 members of the film crew, sound department, a burly security man, cable guys and even the make up lady, "Cath" - who always seems to get her hair touched by ghosts, gets to go too! Surely with all those people there in an old mine shaft that has not been entered for 40 years or so - something would get disturbed and that could be seen as paranormal. Some of the show is done by people alone with night vision cameras who are brave enough to venture off into pitch black rooms, cellars and attics. Those are the better bits i think as the reactions and emotions are more real and less prone to group hysteria or suggestion - or are they just good actors? If you look at the show objectively then you could argue that if it was all "made up" then something amazing would happen each time they went to a location. But it does not. They sometimes get nothing at all - even on the pre-recorded shows. The fact that they show this fact does give them some credibility - or is that what they are thinking too? As for me? I am sceptical but remain open minded. Until they see something totally unusual and the scientist boffins on the show cannot explain it and I cannot explain it either, then i might start to believe. Most Haunted people...if you are reading this... i'll come on the show - prove me wrong!

Lament for the WhiteBoy

My mate Mr Whiteboybob has made a post on his blog that he will be ceasing his blogging activities from now on. I have been on the brink of giving up several times due to "bloggers block" and just general blogging apathy - nothing to say/nobody cares etc... I can remember lying in bed one night thinking about how pointless my blog was and that i was only chasing for new readers and checking the number of comments each time i went on. I started my Blog to help people use Bittorrent but now I was possibly writing stuff to provoke a discussion. I nearly got up and deleted all my posts but i am glad i did'nt. I'm sure he will see sense and try again. After your template has cocked up several times and you are in a bit of a "blue funk" anyway, your blogging seems pointless and a chore. Some people say to blog every day but this is not always possible. As my girlfriend used to say - "when i am feeling down i always see bad in our relationship". Needless to say, that was not the girl i married! Since we are all (nearly) married off with kids and mortgages, the circle of friends i used to move within has become very fragmented and i actually have'nt seen the Whiteboy properly for years and years - even though at one time i would have called him and his wife my best friends. Now that he is into Blogging i feel that i have got that link back to him and to loose that again would be a real shame.

Techy Template Update

If anyone wants to know how i did my own "I've got an iPod" ribbon thing in the top right hand corner of the blog, or how i did my value based comment indicator then leave me a message and i will let you know. Or do you want me to make you a ribbon? Leave me a comment with the text you want and i will oblige! Maybe is should do some Live8 ones for people to have on their sites...

What devilry is this?

The Tooth Tairy, Easter Bunny and all the other happy elves of the world have visited me today and in reward for being such a good little Technical Goblin, and for not spanking the wifey any more after she says the panic word ("Northampton") they have given me "the prize". Something i have been longing for enternally. The sleek silver and white gift bears the magical 20GB rune and has been carefully crafted from the shaven pubic hairs of the nunnery virgins at the Ogre factories of App-le. It now adorns my work chamber desk whilst its Dylithium Crystals recharge and it tells me to "Do not Disconnect" which is now also my new Goblin Army warcry. My life is now complete. "Death...? take me now - i'm done".

Silver Surfer

Got some very odd looks tonight when i cruized down my local high street to pick up my niece from her dance classes on a Xootr. I will be 34 next month - but when do we become too old to do things like this any more? At least i can hide in my house, read superhero comics and play computer games without Joe Public looking in, but does it ever become unacceptable to enjoy yourself in public when you reach a certain age?

Home Alone 5: Regression Therapy

Genre: Family / Comedy / Horror / Legal Drama / Porno Tagline: "Meanwhile... back at the ranch." Plot Outline: White-black she-male singer-actor-dancer-pervert-millionaire comes good in this heart warming family rom-com courtroom adventure about a man who is accused of a crime he-she did'nt commit (again) whilst his young accomplice undergoes deep and disturbing therapy to wipe the brain of neurosis. User Comments: "Odd, challenging and made me scrub my genitals with bleach afterwards, but great slapstick comedy through out." User Rating: 6/10 Runtime: 18 months Country: USA / Freakytown Language: English / Bullshit Color: Mixed / Unsure (DeLuxe) Sound Mix: Dolby

The Boys

After Whiteboybob's post of his little (new) bundle of joy i thought i would share these 2 pics of my two boys. They were taken against a mirror about 6 months ago now for an xmas pressie for my Mum and Dad. The shots were taken in colour and then cropped (to fit the frame) and converted to a good black and white with heavy contrast in Photoshop. They came out alot better than expected actually!

The Electric Boogaloo

Why is it that every time i enter the comms room at work to reboot a server or do some admin work on the console i suddenly develop the acute need to go to the toilet. The sight of me body popping on the spot infront of the cabinets to supress the urge to pee is a very common. Moonwalking usually does the trick for "number 2's" as it clenches the buttocks to prevent leakage and also entertains! "Spin on your head and then freeze" is not an option... Other places that make me suddenly want to urinate/deficate are: 1. My local library 2. Any area of woodland 3. The doctors waiting room Odd or normal?

Kids Play?

They came, they brought presents, they destroyed and then left - with party bags. Phew. It was a nightmare. 30 kids, 4 adults and a large bottle of spirits needed afterwards. I was in charge of defending the ball pool/slide area which was enclosed in blue netting like a Steel Cage Deathmatch. When you have 4 6 year old kids attacking you for not letting them in as it was too full already, only the pure training of the Ninja could stop you from loosing it with them. Fortunately, i spent 4 years training as a Ninja in Essex and had to regress to my "happy safe place" several times during the ordeal. Needless to say, several Jack Daniels later i am feeling a little better. What was worst though was the fact that as i squatted near the entrance to "The Cage" stopping them entering, i could tell i was having a real "arse day". What i would have done for a bottle of Fabreeze. Lucky all kids smell - otherwise i would have been in real trouble. Maybe i need to shower more... And as predicted, we left with 2 Ikea bags full of presents! Time to spread them out over the next week or two an do some serious Oxfam'ing.

Revenge of the Sixth

It's my number 1 son's 6th birthday today and as a good loving father does, i have lavished him with gifts of a "Star Wars" nature. Despite the fact that we are constantly trying to rid the house of the crappy plastic swords we have gathered from the "£1 a go - always win a prize" games you are likely to find at a fairground/village green festival, i went and bought him a new talking, force feedback lightsaber complete with sarcastic vocal advice from Yoda on your Jedi Slashing Action. No doubt this will lead to more fights between the two boys and tears will follow as they do battle during the next installment of the "Kat and Alfie show" whilst i am trying to get them into their beds. "It'll end in tears.." He also has a party tonight which is at a venue that has a capacity for 30 kids! So, we invited 30! If you are out and about our fine shopping area later, you can see me struggling to the car with bags laden with more Power Rangers, Star Wars, Ninja Turtle figures and other birthday paraphenalia you can shake a lightsaber at. If i just got the parents to put £10 each into a pot when they came in, i could sneak off and buy an iPod and some extra pressies for the boy and we would all be happy! Also, there is nothing worse than cleaning up after the party and looking at all the uneaten sweets and crisps left over after we have spent so much money getting it all together. Ungrateful little *******! No doubt the tide of new little plastic men with their little plastics swords and guns will find their way into the loft with the other unused little plastic toys from his last birthday party! He's got lots already, surely he can't need any more? If you listen carefully at night you can hear them crying. Unloved and unwanted. Wish me luck... and may the force me with me.

I just don't care

Whilst surfing the interweb blog highway I always seem to come across blogs of a certain style: Political Blogs (usually american). I am not religious or political at all but the fact that these people believe so much in something that i find totally odd and farcical amazes me. I actually end up in awe of them as i really don't give a shit about much at all. It's a bit like when i have to go to church for someones wedding or christening and spend the whole time observing the people and practices with a air of impressed riddicule.

Its silly and you are wearing a dress, but i am amazed you really believe this stuff.

I am definitely the kind of person who might say

It does'nt affect me... therefore i don't care

However, reading these blogs does make me question myself and my own morals and beliefs, which i suppose is a good thing. And i think the answer is that i don't really have any opinions about much at all. I obviously care about my family and friends and what happens to them but other than that... Is this a bad thing? I am not sure. Does my "boy in the bubble" attitute make my life better or worse? I think that i am just not on the right wavelength anymore. Too much travelling the "path of least resistance" has probably made me into a soft, accepting, introspective sort of person who only deals with events that come to me. Maybe too much "giving" has been my downfall and i need to spend some quality time in the "Taoski Zone". Whats your attitute to such things, and how can i change - or should i?

Photo Shop

Here are my latest colour pics i have uploaded to Flickr. They are mainly from in and around the Butterfly Farm at Stratford Upon Avon, but the fourth one is from the Dungeon at Warwick Castle. Here are the latest black and white shots i have taken too. They were all originally colour but have been photoshopped back to black and white. I definitely prefer a photo with real contrast and think i am leaning more towards black and white photos these days. I might start a new blog just for my pics seeing as my matey Mr Pig seems to be doing well with his. What do you think?